Sleeping Standing Up

So to start with, I've just looked at my last blog post and it just occurred to me how insensitive the title of the last post was. In a pill popping society, that was definitely, a little too close to home. And as someone who pill pops themselves because of chronic migraines, there's nothing funny about being dependent on medication in order to function. So the deepest of apologies folks.

But I digress. 

Recently, I have a lot on my plate. By this I mean, working Monday through Friday as a tutor, babysitting for three hours three times a week, and volunteering three times a week for at least two hours (though sometimes for as long as five and for no money whatsoever). And that's on top of taking two classes (I'm graduating this semester THANK GOD)! 

Now, I'm really grateful for having all of these things in my life. All of it is geared towards my passion in life right now which is teaching and education. And for the most part, none of it is very stressful. But it is a lot of work. And to be honest, I'm running low on the energy department. I wake up tired. Take naps half way through the day and still feel tired. Wake up tired. Study tired. It's a whole giant mess of trying to keep my eyes open for just another hour. And one more hour after that. And one more hour after that - sometimes with the help of caffeinated soda and lots of sugar candy despite the inevitable crash.

This is because taking reading intensive classes takes time and energy, keeping up with an elementary student for three hours takes time and energy (no matter how cute and sweet they are), tutoring takes time and energy, volunteering at a literacy program takes time and energy (especially with all the time spend on lesson plans, making worksheet, etc). 

The outcome of all this missing energy is that emotionally, I have become as emotionally unstable as someone in the late stages of pregnancy. This is not true during my professional time - I mean, you suck that stuff up while you're at work - but after work hours, those close to me (and by this I mainly mean my boyfriend and my family) know how big a mess I am. And this is not the fault of all of the work and projects that I am doing right now. 

I attribute this to the following:

1. Bad sleep - this is a fun cocktail of weird sleeping hours, choppy sleeping patterns/sleep cycles, and cats that likes to run on my bed in the wee hours of the morning. I mean, recently I can't even sleep long enough for my alarm to go off and usually, that's at 8:15 in the morning....
2. Friends who mean well but.... - these are friends who send texts like "hey, haven't heard from you in a while. let's meet up". Now, I love these people. They're embedded deep in my heart but son, if I don't have time to talk to my boyfriend whom I love very much (and I fall asleep on while we're talking on the phone) I honestly don't know when I'm gonna find the time to hang with you. I'm busy and crazy tired. Our friendships will now have to be postponed till an odd Sunday (my only day off) or vacations (I salivate over the idea of these!!).
3. Procrastination - this really doesn't help. Putting off lesson planning until the morning of a class or leaving class reading (about 30 pgs worth) for the 45 minute bus ride to school (yeah that'll TOTALLY get done....)
4. Reading manga - this is my favorite loser activity to do in the morning when I should be getting ready for the day or catching up on reading. Nope. I'm reading manga for and hour and a half so that I'm late for the express bus and now have to take the train which is way less geared for any sort of reading.
5. Extra stuff - I love helping friends with classes they're having a hard time with. But when this becomes another thing to do once or twice a week in my already packed schedule... (sigh) 

By this point, I'm already having trouble keeping my eyes open on the train ride home. And the side effects of being tired is:

1. Feeling offended over small things.
2. Starting fights with my family and my boyfriend for no reason
3. Becoming PMS emotional - this include bursting into tears like the depressed drunk chick at the party
4. Self deprecating behavior
5. And so much more

This entry has mainly been made to blow off some steam but realistically, the work I'm doing is great and I'm going to suffer through being tired the way I suffer through my long distance relationship because in the end, all the hard work and time and effort is totally worth it. 

So if you're SWAMPED at work or just school even. I feel your pain. Keep your chin up and keep on keeping on because all of the being tired hopefully leads to an A or a promotion. 

Till Next Time

Smokers Have Nicotine Patches. What Do I Take For Procrastination?

The sad reality...

I am sitting in my school library. Ulysses, the book I have to read four chapters of (and WORSE write a comment on for my whole class to see) is sitting beside me with my phone on top of it. I should have been reading this for the past hour and a half - I'm already at least three chapters behind in the reading (and that's not counting the readings I STILL have to do from the previous book, and for my other classes). 

I am obviously NOT reading Ulysses. I am on my laptop (which I brought for work - lot of good that did me) and have been on my laptop for the past hour and a half. Obviously, no work has been done. 

No. 

Instead I have gone through every mode of social media I can think of. I've sifted through facebook, gchat, stumbleupon, tumblr, twitter. 

I thought about how ridiculous I was being. 

"How unproductive," I thought, with an image of a posh 1850's Englishman in a suit, shaking his head disapprovingly at me. 

And what was my reaction to this? Not to get food - which I should do before I need to go to work in less than a half hour, not start reading Ulysses from Chapter 5 so I'll be prepared for my writing about Chapter 8. Oh no. I thought I'd write about it on my blog. Because at least then I'll have the illusion of productivity and still procrastinate. 

Man, I'm such an enabler. 

And while I did find some every interesting things (as shown through said social medias):

A funny picture of the relationship between books and reality shows:

A cool picture out of a series of AMAZING sandcastles: 

(http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2mT4LK/geek-news.mtv.com/2011/05/30/top-ten-geeky-sandcastles-and-sand-sculptures/)

An awesome book shelf I would buy were it not a United Kingdom product (damn the currency difference) and expensive (one of many check them out!):  

http://www.cartridgesave.co.uk/news/20-sensational-bookshelves/

And a cute link about what you pets do when you're not home: 

Pets Behind Closed Doors

I can't really say I've done very much. At least, none of what I needed to get done in the first place. And this is the problem, this procrastination, and then enabling process of pretend-productivity. 

I need a procrastination patch, or a drug like the from one from Limitless to ensure I get SOMETHING done. With the way things are going, my brain will turn to mush, my gpa will drop, and its goodbye gradschool (if I even have hopes to get in somewhere now). 

And the thing is,I've tried various methods of ending procrastination. I've tried making a schedule for myself. If anything, its another thing I can procrastinate with - making lists of things I have to get done (and then not doing them). In fact, I'll copy these lists into several different agendas and notebooks (sometimes even my whiteboard and calender) in order to prolong not having to actually do something.

I've tried used my phone calender which honestly just serves as a reminder that something is due the next day and I probably won't get it done until the morning its due at 3am. 

I've tried willing myself to get things done obviously, I'm not most strong willed person on the planet.... 

I'm at a loss here. If you have any suggestions on who to kick the habit - a step program, tea, some sort of Harry Potter spell or superstition, you let me know. I'm willing to try anything other than prescription meds. 

Till Next Time